Recently I asked this question to my IG followers:
Do you feel lonely in your wards?
Over 75% responded: YES
To say I was shocked, was an understatement. From dozens of messages it became clear that many of us are missing and longing for connection in our church communities. The reasons for this are varied and nuanced. Certain themes emerged.
Many commenters felt as if other church members already had established friend circles that made it hard for newcomers to break into. Others mentioned that in areas (such as Utah) where people have a lot of family connections, it can seem as if people don’t need as many “friend” connections. This makes it hard for those ward members who do not have close family relationships.
Some members felt that their differing viewpoints on church policy or doctrine made it hard to “fit in.” Others mentioned feeling on the outside due to political opinions outside of the perceived “norm.”
Changing ward boundaries were challenging for many as were those who felt they were outside their ward demographics: “My current ward is pretty young (I’m 76) and activities are geared to families with children.”
Family situations such as part member families, inactive spouses and/or children also were listed as reasons for feeling as if they didn’t fit in. One sister wrote in to say “I didn’t used to feel this way about my ward. But once all my kids became teenagers, and decided to stop attending church, I feel like I exist on the fringes. I used to be SO involved and now I feel like no one cares if I attend or not.”
Others shared that they struggle with the transition from being parents, with kids in the home, to now being empty nesters. Another sister responded, “I am on the young side of being an empty nester and moved to a new state 18 months ago. I raised my kids with the people I left behind and they will be my life long friends. Shared experiences matter and I don’t have that now. People are nice but it’s just different.”
For many, reaching out when loneliness occurs can be daunting. Or, they have tried reaching out and had a negative experience. Some simply stated that they have given up on making friends or connections in their ward.
We can do better!
I am convinced that we all can do a little more to solve this loneliness epidemic in our congregations. And I don’t think it has to be difficult. So, what CAN we do?
- Be aware that many in your meeting may be feeling lonely.
- Introduce yourself to someone new or sit next to someone sitting alone.
- Ask questions of others. And listen.
- Make the idea of creating connections and friendships part of your church councils and presidency meeting discussions.
- Invite, Invite, Invite! Send a text inviting a ward member to the next activity. Ask the sister sitting next to you if she is attending the RS activity coming up. Post on your ward FB page about play groups, meet ups, book clubs and other events. Invite a family to your home or a sister to go to lunch.
Most importantly, pray! Pray to know who the Lord would have you reach out to. Pray to be an instrument in His hands and then ACT on the promptings you receive.
Because we ALL deserve to feel that we belong.
Kristyn Morgan 